he thought i was a dude.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
