May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
