after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize