I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
