don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
