If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
