she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
