Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
