Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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