Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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