Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
