Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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