He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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