Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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