Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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