Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
