Just fell off a train. Bad.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
