It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
