So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
