last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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