He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
