Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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