I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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