i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
