We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize