allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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