Me too!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
