My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
