He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
