OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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