He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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