New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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