No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
