I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
