I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
be right there i have to get my cape
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
