What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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