he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
