I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
