Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
