now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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