I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
