i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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