I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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