apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
