how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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