I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
