True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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