Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
