So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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