Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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