my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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