I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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