i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
