I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
