I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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