I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
