I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
