Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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