Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
