dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
