A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
