i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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