i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
