Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
