Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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