should my penis look like a turkey
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
