Porn is love you can see.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
