I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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