Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize