and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
